As can be expected with any break up a lot of cookies/cookie dough were involved (I'm actually kind of ashamed.) There was also the usual denial for the need for the break up and when the realization finally hit, there were tears. After spring break though, I had to admit to myself that I need to break up with Athens.
It was so, so great to see people and have a few days to really spend in Athens; I wasn't rushed to see people and could spend some quality time with great friends. There was this nagging feeling though and I finally realized that I didn't fit in there anymore. This was really hard for me to process, I mean, my closest friends are there, doing a lot of things I enjoy, but on some level we can't connect ...because I moved. This was/is obviously unavoidable. I knew before graduating and moving that I would have a rough time because Athens was the first place I felt truly at home. I prayed a lot during the fall for God to give me peace and it did come, I knew I needed to leave and that God has something else planned for me. I know I should be in Akron, I believe this is where God wants me, but it has been hard to embrace this and until now I have kind of resisted. I will not be giving Akron 100% effort if part of me still wants to be in Athens. I'm going to be here for at least the next 3 years, possibly more, so I should be trying to make this home. So I need a break from Athens because it makes it so much harder to try here. I think we'll be great friends when I've healed a little bit and become less attached. Obviously, I plan to keep in touch with people, and not in a detached way, I mean on a daily basis, texting/phone calls/skype/handwritten letters, etc are all expected to continue, it's just being in Athens that is really hard. I hope I'm explaining this in a way that is understandable.. the point is, this has been a rough transition, but I really want to try to like Akron now and be able to call it "home" (instead of the previous terms: the frozen tundra, hell, etc).
Break ups suck.
oh dear lord, you and potter need to quit writing in such a way that causes panic/ excitement. (remember back to the "we're engaged...in reading something" text...)
ReplyDeleteI understand where you are coming with this though. I think the fact that Athens was so far from Milwaukee, it just made it easier on me. I couldn't just go to Athens for the weekend, thus not being as painful. I kind of had to make this home right away. It is probably wise to give Athens a break. If you are supposed to be in Akron, then you will eventually have community there, and that takes actually being in Akron on the weekends etc. praying for you eileen!